Love Our SOX Corny Joke Thread

[DemonessBaby]

 

[philthepat]

 

[HarpoSF]

It is only "junk food" if you don't finish the bag in one sitting.

 

[DemonessBaby]

 

[HarpoSF]

J.K. Rowling has really sold out these days. I just heard she is teaming up with ABC to do a new sitcom called "Welcome Back, Potter". In it, Harry goes back to Hogwarts to teach a remedial class of rag-tag ne'er-do-well Muggle-hogs...

 

[HarpoSF]

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best.

The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance.

The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength ... None in the forest dared to challenge him.

The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature.

Just as the trio were debating this, an alligator came along and swallowed them all ... hawk, lion, and stinker.

 

[Takket]

View attachment 1731

you wouldn't catch me dead with a man-bun not my style!!!!!!!!

 

[HarpoSF]

you wouldn't catch me dead with a man-bun not my style!!!!!!!!

You wouldn't catch me dead with a man-bun, too... but mostly 'cause I don't have enough hair any more. (Actually, I think they look pretty d*rn st**pid, anyway.)

 

[HarpoSF]

 

[HarpoSF]

Who among us hasn’t broken the 11th Commandment at one time or another: "Thou shalt not use God's name in bed."?

(“God, you’re good!”

*lightning bolts & thunder claps*

“YOU’RE WELCOME!”)

 

[HarpoSF]

This afternoon, while strolling down the street, I passed by lots of Pilates places ~ you won’t fool me twice with these places ~ they are not the place to learn to become an amateur aviator (and I am pretty sure that guy who liked to wash his hands after killing off Messiahs has nothing to do with them either).

And don't EVEN get me started on the corporate rip-off known as "Yoga" shops ~ none of 'em offer any kinda flavours of frozen dairy products from which to choose (I asked).

 

[HarpoSF]

This is great if you want to surf the World Wild Webs and are lactose intolerant.

 

[DemonessBaby]

This is great if you want to surf the World Wild Webs and are lactose intolerant.


View attachment 1738

As Penny would say about Leonard on the Big Bang Theory, "he will blow up like a Macy's Day Balloon".

 

[HarpoSF]

I was so confused last night as my printer started playing music!

Turns out the paper was just jamming.

 

[DemonessBaby]

 

[HarpoSF]

When in England, and having to wait in line at the green grocers, be sure to mind your peas in queues.

 

[HarpoSF]

I am not generally anti-semantic. I actually know the difference between Jewish, Hebrew, and Israeli.

 

[HarpoSF]

 

[HarpoSF]

While I was eating breakfast in a local restaurant the other morning, there was a woman seated nearby that felt the need to breast-feed her baby. Now, I am not a prude, and I know this is a beautiful and natural thing… but the d*mned baby's head kept getting in the way!

 

[HarpoSF]

Do you think that some of these coffeeshop workers became baristas as they thought they would be training to practice Law in England?

(Which brings up a whole lotta ~ as opposed to a little lotta ~ set of stupid questions:
If a coffeeshop runs out of Half-and-Half, what would an optimist or a pessimist say?
Is it fair to teach your neutered dog the command “Come!”?
And, what would Scooby do?)