Love Our SOX Corny Joke Thread

[HarpoSF]

I get terrible headaches whenever I cook with wheat, barley, or rice.

I think I am suffering from my grains.

 

[HarpoSF]

A lady in the supermarket tried to steal some romaine lettuce, m*yonnaise, anchovies, Parmesan cheese, and croutons.

As she ran away, I shouted: “Seize her salad”.

 

[Takket]

Ethical question:

If Elon Musk and Donald Trump were downing in the ocean, and you only had one life preserver, what's for dinner?

 

[HarpoSF]

If Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's most famous literary character had been a plumber instead of a master sleuth, would people be saying sarcastically, "Know sh*t, Sherlock?"?

 

[HarpoSF]

The everyday misuse of the phrase "Open Everyday" upsets me every day that I see it on a sign.

 

[HarpoSF]

I wish I had an easy way to remember how to spell 𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤.

 

[DemonessBaby]

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?

Someone told her drinks were on the house.

 

[HarpoSF]

What frothy, foamy, cold drink does the star of "The Godfather", "The Godfather Part II", "The Godfather Part III", and "Scent of a Woman" give his pupsters on a hot summer day?

... an 𝘼𝙡𝙥𝙤𝙘𝙘𝙞𝙣𝙤, of course!

 

[HarpoSF]

I saw a large banner over the entrance doors of a local church today. It read, "Jesus is Risen!"

Wow! All I could think of was how much yeast that must have taken.

 

[HarpoSF]

Remember, bad puns on St. Patrick’s Day don’t just shame you…
they Seamus all!

 

[DemonessBaby]

 

[HarpoSF]

"𝙰𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚐𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐, 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐... 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚣𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚌 𝙽𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙰𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚝𝚢𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚗𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎."

~ 𝚁𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝙼𝚌𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚑𝚢'𝚜 𝙻𝚊𝚠

 

[HarpoSF]

I was going to start a band many years ago with a friend of mine that was really good at writing songs and music. We had a huge disagreement over the name of the band and he up and quit.

I was very angry for a long while after that… who could blame me? I lost my composer.